Science News

In an attempt to be more than just a political blog, Floodlight proudly presents a compendium of news from Chemistry and Physics:

New Element Discovered

Bushcronium has one vacuon, an undetermined number of hangerons resonsible for the bulk of the mass, 12 sychophons, 75 deputy sychophons, and 224 assistant deputy sychophons, giving it an atomic mass of between 313 and 400. These particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The symbol for Bushcronium is "W".

Bushcronium appeared originally as a "bright, shiny thing" that, regardless of it's properties, "peons" flocked to. It appears much less bright now, due to it's property of "moron-promotion."  Some scientists believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element which radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. 

My guess is that Bushchronium is an element in the same periodic family that includes the recently found Administratium (Note that the structure is similar but not identical). While Adminstatium appears NOT to decay, Bushchronium obviously DOES, shedding old particles (both useful and useless, (or "Losers")) and replacing them with Useless particles on a haphazard basis.

Administratrium, The New Element

AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown that the atomic mass usually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at points, such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is always found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

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Note these related element recently discovered:

Limbaughium Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only morons.

Innofensium Pc
Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons,
quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.

Newtium
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply. Decay products include Delaium.

Quaylium Vp
Einsteinium it ain't.

Politicium Po
Gaseous at all temperatures and pressures. Similar to radon in that it can reach lethal concentrations in the House.

Congress Cg
Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.

Heminertium
Naturally-occurring, but, oddly, filling no gap in the periodic table. Deies classic Inertia: is the only known element to exhibit only the tendency to remain at rest, while impeding the tendency to remain in motion. Spontaneous  decay occasionally generates a large numbers of Reportons. See attached internal DOE memo for a description of its effects

"Dear Radsafers:

I recently became exposed to the element described above during a DOE work proposal.  Actually, I was overexposed and the proposed work project, being closely aligned to the described element, underwent an inverse cold fusion reaction thereby sucking all the life force from the project, thus becoming inert.  I always wondered how such things occurred...

Regards,

Neil Keeney
RRPT

That's all for now, but I hope to explain soon the mystery of the fear one Republican Congresswoman has that a PRK missile that can't reach LA poses a threat to "Chicago and Kansas City."

(By the way, don't you regret the lost chance to read reports on Deng and Putin discussing the Tae Po Dong?)

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