Floodlight

Non-Stop Relief for the Pressures on the Road

Let's say you're in a bike race...oh, say, the Tour of California...and you don't want to stop (it being a race, and all) but you really, really have to go. Wouldn't you at least wait until you were past that gaggle of news photographers up ahead?!

(Thanks to my friend Mark, photojournalist extrodinaire)

Question Resolved

Secretary of State Rice today in a speech to the United Nations stated that Vice-President Cheney had "unequivocal, incontrovertible evidence" that he was shooting at a 6'2" bright orange terrorist quail and had no reason to apologize for seriously wounding his friend and fellow hunter. "Collateral damage happens," she emphasized.

Holding up a vial of imitation #7 1/2 birdshot, she pointed out that the contents were enough to kill everyone in a typical closet, and that the quail Cheney shot had a 20 gauge shotgun while Cheney had responded with great restraint using only a 28 gauge shotgun.

Bush to Attack Human-Animal Hybrider!

                                        BREAKING NEWS

The Floodlight has learned that President George Bush has begun to vigorously address issues raised in his State of the Union Address.

Having promised to protect America from the nightmarish threat of "...creating human-animal hybrids..." , President Bush vowed today to end the depredations of an evildoer known as "Dr. Moreau." While reviewing his collection of reading material from his Yale years, the President stumbled upon a Marvel Comics Illustrated Classics expose of the of the human-animal-hybrid-creating surgeries being conducted by Moreau on an island in an unknown location.

"I didn't read the whole thing," the President said, "I didn't have to to learn enough. And I was starting to get a headache."

But today, courageously ignoring the strenuous objections  of all military leaders in the US Services, and making the sound judgment that "an island is probably in a body of water," Bush ordered the parachuting of 135,000 American troops and three Samoans assembled into a multi-national task force into randomly selected locations in the Pacific, Atlantic and Indian oceans. "if just one of these fine troopers lands on Dr. Moron's (snicker) island, Dr, Murow will be history! I just pray to God that he is not an OB-GYN, driven insane by being deprived of the opportunity to give his love to women."

Asked about the fate of all those troops dropped elsewhere, Bush assured all those assembled that life vests and shark-repellent would be dropped to them "as soon as budget considerations allow it and our reliable defense partner Halliburton can get into the businesses and draw up the contracts. Within a few days following that, they will be brought home, somehow."

Asked the cost of the operation (aside from human life) Bush smiled and said, "By my reckonin', we should be able to bring it in under $4.38."

While the liberal media ignored his bold initiative, Floodlight wants you to know!

Just for chuckles...for a change

Air America, on the proximity of Groundhog Day with the State of the Union Address:

"It is an ironic juxtaposition: One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, and the other involves a groundhog."

State of the Union Lying Session

Astounding. Flabbergasting. I watched the State of the Union address, and I just read it carefully. I found two paragraphs that were unequivocally true.

The first, honoring Coretta King, which is overwhelmed by the vile, racist implications of the fifth-from-last paragraph which includes

"We will also lead a nationwide effort, working closely with African American churches and faith-based groups, to deliver rapid HIV tests to millions..."  [You might let this pass, except if "faith-based groups" are generally to be involved, why single out African American churches?! ed.]

And one that said the American people honor those serving in our military.

Not one other paragraph or set of connected paragraphs is free of at least one egregious lie or weasel-wording of the worst, most hypocritical kind.

There is too much to comment on. I am overwhelmed. Here is just a little.

"So the United States of America supports democratic reform across the broader Middle East...The Palestinian people have voted in elections.  And now the leaders of Hamas must recognize Israel, disarm, reject terrorism, and work for lasting peace."

Celebrating an election that Condi just said of, "...nobody (in the State Department saw it coming," and that it had "...reduced to tatters crucial assumptions underlying American policies." And ignoring Saudi Arabia, where it is illegal for women to drive or go out alone.

"Terrorists like bin Laden are serious about mass murder -- and all of us must take their declared intentions seriously."

And almost four years ago he said, "I truly am not that concerned about him.”

"On September the 11th, 2001, we found that problems originating in a failed and oppressive state 7,000 miles away could bring murder and destruction to our country."

Still trying to link Iraq to al Queda.

And on. And on. And the whole world is laughing.

England:

"President Bush's State of the Union speech might well be remembered for his phrase that "America is addicted to oil".

The rest of it, apart perhaps from a call on Iranians to get rid of their "small clerical elite", was a reiteration of the themes on which his presidency stands or falls.

He gave not an inch on Iraq nor on his intention to "act boldly in freedom's cause" (nor on his wiretapping without warrants). "

Germany

"This time it concerned to Bush hardly still the large, historical visions, but rather around an stubborn-optimistic stocktaking of a turned up world, the announcement that the USA up to the victory of the liberty would fight world-wide.

Under the impression of an enormous...deficit and an unpopular war the American president announced George W. Bush to receive the international guide roller of the USA. The country is strong, despite the concerns...of the Iraq war, the economic situation and the rising energy prices, said the president in (his) speech..." [Bad translation, but you get the idea, ed.]

Japan: 

"A politically weakened President George W. Bush declared Tuesday night that America must break its long dependence on Mideast oil and rebuked critics of his stay-the-course strategy for the unpopular war in Iraq.

"America is addicted to oil, which is often imported from unstable parts of the world," Bush said as he sought to drive the election-year agenda in his annual State of the Union address.

Rejecting calls for the withdrawal of troops from Iraq, Bush said, "There is no peace in retreat." He also slapped at critics, many of whom argue Bush went to war on the erroneous grounds that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction.

With Congress facing midterm elections in November, there was a partisan mood in the chamber.

Bush declared that the "the state of our union is strong" despite Americans' anxieties about the war in Iraq, the economy, and rising energy prices which throwing a cloud over the economy and pinching Americans' pocketbooks."

And on. And on.

A man of deceit, failure, cowardice, smug in his ignorance, abusive of any power he gets. And when will he be doing all the "hard work" his speech calls for? Maybe after he returns from his Super Bowl XL-viewing on the vacation "Bush will begin (this) weekend at his home in Texas." So the speech did have at least one bit of self-effacing humor:

"Our greatest advantage in the world has always been our educated, hardworking, ambitious people..."